3 psychological barriers that impede effective feedback

Let’s say you manage a team that includes a troublesome employee. Let’s call him Alex. Alex is a good performer, but he’s also erratic and recently started an argument that unsettled his teammates.

You know you need to give Alex some pointed observations about his behavior, but you hesitate. Why would you, or any leader, shrink from delivering feedback that is sorely needed in order to get an employee back on the rails?

Well, behavioral psychologists have an answer. They describe three categories of “negative self-talk” — ad hoc scripts that you play in your head — that can get leaders stuck and lead to inaction, even in cases where action is urgently needed. These are:

• Avoidance
• Pleasing
• Abdication

Avoidance

Here’s what a mental Avoidance script might sound like: “I don’t have time to deal with Alex. Maybe I’ll just let this incident blow over.”

It’s easy to see how a leader who’s feeling overwhelmed by urgent matters might deprioritize a conversation with an employee who needs feedback. But it’s harmful to the employee and the team. Consider the results of a Gallup survey showing that 65% of employees believe feedback is essential and want more of it, not less. The survey also showed that giving regular feedback helps performance and reduces employee turnover.

So how might a leader come up with a mental “counter-script” to combat Avoidance? You could tell yourself, “Yes, I’m busy, but helping Alex change his behavior is a good investment. It’ll save me time in the future.” Or you might say, “This feedback isn’t just about Alex’s missteps in this one case. It’s about how learning from mistakes can advance his career.”

Pleasing

The second problematic mental script is Pleasing, as in, “I don’t want to lose Alex. If I tell him the truth, he might feel hurt or angry.”

This concern isn’t unfounded, and that’s because of how our brains work. Deep in the brain is a gland called the amygdala, which evolved early in human beings and activates when it perceives a threat. When the boss asks an employee, “Can I give you some feedback?” they tense up. The amygdala takes over and they instantly go into fight/flight/freeze mode, which makes them unreceptive to feedback.

Yet there are still good reasons to give the feedback, and you need to counter the Pleasing mindset to do it. You could tell yourself, “I can’t control how Alex will respond, but what I can do is deliver the feedback objectively and in the spirit of helping.” Or you could say, “Feedback is a gift, not a reprimand. Long-term, Alex will be better off if he gets this candid feedback.”

Abdication

The third category of negative self-talk is Abdication, as in, “Wouldn’t it be more effective if Alex’s teammates gave him the feedback? After all, they work with him every day.”

In a strong feedback culture, where people are comfortable both giving and receiving feedback, team members might take the initiative and tell Alex that his behavior wasn’t appropriate. But in this case, no such culture exists and team members don’t know what to do.

Here’s some positive self-talk to counter the negative self-talk that drives the “Abdication” mindset:

• “It’s not just about Alex. It’s about the health of the team. This is urgent and I need to lean in.”
• “This Alex situation isn’t a burden; it’s an opportunity f0r me to sharpen my own skills.”

You get the idea. Negative self-talk can reinforce the barriers to delivering effective feedback. Positive self-talk can be a great tool for overcoming those barriers and creating a strong feedback culture.

This blog entry is adapted from the BTS Total Access micro video “Barriers to Feedback.” If you’re a Total Access customer, you can watch the video here. If you’re not, but would like to see this video (or any of our other programs), request a demo and we’ll get you access.